Is it just me or does social media seem to show everyone out here living their best lives? Like is everyone backpacking through Thailand and have passport stamps on stamps on stamps? So everybody out here happily married?👀👀 Okay coo! Are all the edges in the land laid, full and perfected swooped? Are all businesses out here booming, with six figure sales days? Is someone handing out 34-25-40 hour glass figures? How do y’all afford to brunch EVERY weekend anyway? Did I miss the line where they were handing out 800 credit scores, and Cartier bracelets? Does it seem like EV 👏🏾VER 👏🏾REE other mom perfectly prepares nutritious meals for her family, home schools her children and does so effortlessly? Does it seem like everyone has their life ALL the way together? Do you say to yourself “how does she always win?” If you’ve uttered “does she ever have bad days”, sis you ARE NOT ALONE! Do you wonder how does she do it all? Well she doesn’t do it all. She might have a nanny, an assistant. She may be overworked and a member of team no sleep. She may spend hours scrolling on social media, a slave to her life and business. You see when we come to our senses and think logically once again, we realize that most of what we see online are well crafted and edited snapshots. While it is no one’s “responsibility” to disclose the entire picture, it is our job not to discount all the good going on in our lives when we see folks out here “winning”. People will continue to only strategically share information that shows them in the best light possible. We have to remind ourselves of this here FACT! I KNOW you’ve seen the quote plastered all over our timelines that states: I will not compare my life with people on social media yet if we’re honest, we secretly continue to do so. WE ALL unfortunately travel with the comparison passenger who seeks to rob us of joy, peace and momentum. While it is natural to compare your life with others, it is usually NEVER emotionally healthy to do so. So what do we do? How do we manage our emotional responses when we see the wins of others? As a Christian women, here are some strategies I’ve found to be helpful when unbuckling this unwanted passenger and dropping her off right on the highway 🚗💨.
Acknowledge Those Feelings
When you see Tonya featured in a reputable press outlet, how does that make you feel? When Rhonda posts her daily earnings, do you cheer her on or secretly undermine or minimize her accomplishments? When you compare your life to others, what emotions do you encounter as a result? How does that “make you feel?” Do you feel left out? Do you feel like your efforts never produce the results you expected or wanted? Do you feel like folks less qualified than you are out here winning? Are you jealous? Do you feel inadequate? I need you to NOT RUN from these emotions! The tea is that we RUN FROM things that CHASE US! It’s up to us to stop the cycle by confronting. You can’t fix what you won’t ADDRESS. You have to acknowledge these thoughts and emotions SO THAT you can expose them to truth, IDEALLY God’s truth. Those secrets and hidden thoughts WILL continue to fester and rule you if they are not exposed and made 👏🏾out 👏🏾to 👏🏾be 👏🏾a 👏🏾liar. I know it’s difficult but these feelings will start to lose its power/influence and hold. So if you’re apart of the team that would rather pretend these matters of your heart don’t exist, you will find yourself never having true victory in this area. Victory that does not look like muting or hiding updates from folks on social media to ensure you are not privy to any and all celebratory posts. Because the gag is, you are placing a band-aid on a wound that is leaking and will never heal. You are simply avoiding the matters of your heart that NEED restoration.
Celebrate Your Dopeness
When was the last time you looked in the mirror was like “you betta go sis”?Honestly, when was the last time you celebrated a win, regardless if it’s “big or small”. Make a daily practice of affirming your dopeness. Maybe that looks like journaling. Maybe that looks like reciting OUT LOUD all your amazing qualities. Be inspired by the success of others just NOT at the expense of dimming down your own light. You are more than good enough!
Simple prayer: Lord help heal those hidden areas where my self love and identity had been under attack. You love me. You qualify me. You accept me. You equip me. Lord show me just who I am according to you. Remind me of your perfect love that gives me joy, satisfaction and confidence.
Pursue Contentment & thankfulness
At the heart of this comparison trap is lacking contentment and gratitude for ALL God has provided you with. Let’s not be confused: contentment has nothing to do with passivity or lacking ambition. Contentment says to God: You are enough. I am satisfied. Isn’t it funny how most of us are in a season we prayed for. There was a time we asked God for the VERY thing(s) we now probably take for granted. It’s that ole “new shiny toy syndrome” that affects us all. We have lost our thankfulness. The harsh truth is with this heart posture, we place God on the stand, to defend Himself while we accuse and judge Him for not giving what we FEEL is best for our lives. We feel overlooked and overshadowed. We feel NOW is the time to reap. We have to remember that God’s timing is perfect and He has given us a perfect portion! It’s time we ask for forgiveness and repent for judging God as unfair. It’s time we say thank you for His provision, the talents He’s given us. It’s time we remember to trust God. Trust that God has not forgotten us. Trust that God is working things out on our behalf. It’s time we remind ourselves that God is still good and His ways are so much better than ours. Besides could you even imagine if God gave us all that we ever wanted? Exactly! A FULL on mess! He knows best and let’s trust Him to govern the galaxies AND our lives!
Simple prayer: Lord forgive me for being ungrateful when you have more than merciful, giving and loving. You are a good Father who gives perfect gifts. Help restore my satisfaction in You!
Someone Else’s Win Does Not Mean You Lose
Raise your hands if this sounds familiar: you host an sold out, at capacity event, with over 200 attendees. You feel like you’re on cloud nine. You’re praising God, ugly crying and thankful for how He’s been able to carry you through planning an event and for it to be a successful turnout. Weeks go by, and you observe via social media that a similar event to yours, had what appears to be double the amount of panels, workshops and attendees. Instead of genuinely being happy for their success, you compare and lose your contentment for what you accomplished. You KNOW how hard it is to plan and EXECUTE an event, yet your immediate emotional response to seeing someone else’s success, is to discount how DOPE your event was. Unfortunately most of us lack the ability to see someone else winning without equating it somehow to “I’m losing”. We have to learn to look at their successes objectively, without negatively internalizing our perceived failures. There is more than enough space for EVERYONE to win.
Give Them A high Five
We will never know the hard work and sacrifices that others make to obtain and walk into their “glow-up season”. Who knows the long hours, lack of sleep, time and money invested to receive the fruits of said labor. So for these very reasons, learn to rejoice with those who rejoice. Drop a congratulatory comment when they post great news. Send a text. Give them a call. Ask God to help you genuinely celebrate the wins of others. Because you will not feel like it at first. Wouldn’t you want someone to celebrate with you?
Remind Yourself of What God Says About You
It is time to UPROOT and REPLACE all the lies that you are believing about yourself and where you are in life. Look to The Bible and read the love letters of who God says you are. He validates you, not what you have or accomplish. His TRUTH about you is all that should matter. Besides, it is dangerous to equate our identity with fleeting accolades like experiences, accomplishments and things. Take back your self worth. Say it with me: I am not what I have or do! Anchor yourself in a steadfast God who has declared you to be: chosen, loved, not forsaken, precious, redeemed, holy, whole and so much more. This is exactly why I created the Who God Says I Am shirt below. Grab it from my shop (click here) for you and someone you love RIGHT NOW!
Keeping Up With The Jones Is A Constant Cycle of Confusion
If you are tempted to constantly “one up” or compete with folks on the innanets, you have already lost. You will find yourself on an emotional rollercoaster if you attempt to play this game, especially if they have NO IDEA you’re competing with them. It’s just not worth your time: I promise you. Besides we NEVER truly know the cost people pay to present and maintain the lifestyles they appear to have. We never know the schemes, scams or anxiety they carry to showcase a lifestyle they may not truly be able to sustain and afford. Keep your eyes on your road sis! You can’t drive your car and arrive at your desired final destination safely, if you are looking to your left, right and rear view.
The reality is someone will always have more than you. Someone will always be prettier, made more accomplishments, have more recognition, get paid more than you and etc. The goal is to not be defeated by their wins. The goal is to be able to truly cheer them on. The goal is remember God’s ever present hand on and in your OWN life. So I leave you with this as you do the hard work of mastering this heart issue: GIVE yourself grace as you learn to reprogram your ability to drift back into a comparison cycle. While I want to validate and empathize with you, my mission with this post is not to condemn you for feeling what you’re feeling. Like bis sis Myleik Teele of The My Taught You Podcast says: feelings are not facts. My goal is that you do not allow these temporary and fleeting emotions rob you of your joy and peace that God has promised you. My prayer and mission is to have you dig deep and uproot anything that is robbing you of who you are in Christ and as a result all you have access to as His daughter. Get in God’s Word and presence. You are MORE THAN ENOUGH! There’s no need to compare and contrast your life.